My three month old was born with an "Angel's Kiss," which is a warm and fuzzy way of saying that she has a birthmark between her eyebrows that kind of looks like someone with too much lipstick gave her a big smooch on her head. It's barely noticeable now, except when she get's really mad and her whole face gets red, but shortly after her birth I remember my mom asking me how it got there. All I remembered was the midwife saying something about blood vessels.
She's had some other abnormalities, too, including a white spot in the center of her pupil which we later learned is a type of cataract and will most likely be harmless.
As a mother, I have always wondered if there were things that I did during my pregnancy that may have led to these various imperfections. I know I was much more conscientious during my first pregnancy, and that baby came out fine. But, I didn't smoke, didn't consume any alcohol, rarely drank soda, and exercised occasionally. True, I had an insatiable sweet tooth that I kept feeding, and I did enjoy some green tea occasionally.
This evening I happened across an article citing research suggesting that lack off oxygen to the placenta may be the culprit behind my baby's birthmark. Aha! So it is my fault. Did I not sleep on my left side enough? What did I do wrong?
My baby is still beautiful, and I'm swear she is absolutely the sweetest baby on the planet...always smiling and cooing. But, I feel tremendous guilt that I didn't take better care of my body, and my baby, during my pregnancy. No, I can't go back in time and try to do things better. In fact there's nothing I can do now except feel like crap.
Labels: baby, health, personal, pregnancy, research
